It creeps in, subtly, until our ego takes over and pushes us further down the spiral. 

But what if the key to overcoming overwhelm lies in learning to lead ourselves first?

The Day I Realised I Was My Own Problem

The American author and podcaster Cheryl Strayed reminds us: “You don’t have a right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt. You have an obligation to play the hell out of the ones that you’re holding.”

I learned this the hard way. I tried to be Superwoman, managing work, home, and let overwhelm take over. 

My advice is – Own your own overwhelm.

I remember planning my birthday party, and even though Paul, my partner, offered to handle everything, my inner control freak couldn’t resist meddling. Even on the morning of the party, I insisted on cutting the grass.

It was ridiculous. It wasn’t until I saw how well Paul had organised everything that I realised: I created my own overwhelm. 

Owning your overwhelm means owning that you caused it.

What Happens When Overwhelm Takes Over Your Body?

Overwhelm can reach a point where it affects us physically, emotionally, and mentally and eventually leads to burnout. I share this not as a badge of honour but as a warning: Don’t let it consume you.

When overwhelm hits, it doesn’t just affect our productivity — it clouds our mind with brain fog, drags our emotions all over the place, and can even affect our health. That’s why it’s called dis-ease.

Glennon Doyle wisely says, “You can’t save your face and your ass at the same time. Let yourself fall apart.” 

It’s okay to fall apart. Give yourself the space to recharge, take care of your mental and emotional health, and let your body heal. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

The LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership

LeadingME® emerged from the journey to understand ME — what makes us tick, how our ego affects us, and how it influences our behavior. 

The LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership shows how the extremes of ego, either “bigging it up” or “belittling”, pull us away from our centre. But true balance lies in the middle,  where nurturing, self-awareness, and responsibility meet.

The key to overcoming this is recognising when our ego is controlling us—through thoughts like “I have to do this” or “I should do that.”  Alternatively, falling into a “poor me” mindset, blaming others or feeling victimised.

The Power of Taking a Break and Setting Boundaries

When it comes to managing overwhelm, take a break and set boundaries because it’s bloody important. And the first person you need to set boundaries with is yourself.

We often take on too much, trying to prove something to ourselves but it all starts with living by our values. We have to sit with ourselves and really ask, “What am I doing to myself? What’s the cause of this? “

If you can’t figure it out alone, talk to someone — a mentor, a coach, a trusted friend, someone who can step outside of your “movie” and see things clearly. But whatever you do, stop blaming others. Own your overwhelm, pause, and refocus before burnout takes over.

Own Your Overwhelm by Being in the Present

It doesn’t just mean stopping for a moment to catch your breath. It means prioritising meditation, walking in nature, exercise, reading, yoga — whatever works for you. 

Eckhart Tolle says, “When you are overwhelmed by the future… and the past, you have lost the present.” Overwhelm happens when we stop being in the now. 

So, stop and listen. Smell the roses, go for a walk in nature. 

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s time to really pause and ask yourself: Where’s it coming from? Is it physical? Emotional? Mental? Maybe it’s all three, but if you’ve hit burnout. Take action.

We all have been there. I used to think I was invincible, too. And I’m not. And neither are you.

Stay True, Stay You
And Keep Bringing Out Your Brilliance! 

The post Why Overwhelm Happens and How You Can Stop Burnout in Its Tracks appeared first on Mags Bell.

Yet, doubt also has a unique power to make us pause, reflect, and focus on what truly matters.

What if doubt could be both the weight we shed and the force that lifts us up? 

Doubt as a Double-Edged Sword

Doubt shows up in different forms. It can manifest as the fear that holds us back or as pressure from societal expectations.

I remember a time when, despite accolades and awards, I was haunted by a quiet, unrelenting feeling that I didn’t measure up. It didn’t matter what others said. That inner critic had me convinced I was lacking, and eventually, it crept into my body as a dis-ease, a heaviness I couldn’t shake.

But doubt can also protect us. It’s the instinct that says “no” when the world around you is pushing you toward “yes.” I remember feeling pressured to stay in a relationship, fearing others’ disappointment more than trusting my own instincts. 

That doubt reminded me to stay true to myself.

Can Doubt Be Both Limiting & Empowering?

Doubt can feel limiting, especially when it leads to excessive self-questioning, indecision and procrastination. But it also has an empowering side.

It was the shifting between the balanced/unbalanced ego, filling me with certainty in one breath, and pulling me down with doubt in the next. I didn’t realise it at the time, but that back-and-forth was shaping me, helping me refine what truly mattered.  

Bertrand Russell said it well, “The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves… and wiser people are full of doubts.”

The beliefs I held when I was younger are not the ones I hold now, and that’s a testament to doubt’s transformative power. 

In my younger years, I thought I had all the answers.

The LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership

Doubt has made me a lifelong learner. Today, I welcome doubt. 

It helps us challenge our assumptions and stay open to new ideas, allowing us to grow. 

The LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership talks about the importance of balance. It’s easy to fall into the extremes of overconfidence or excessive self-doubt, but true strength lies in that middle ground. That middle ground, or as I call it ‘LeadingME® where we engage with doubt just enough to stay humble, aware, and open to learning.

When we live in that centre-ground, we’re not afraid to ask questions, to see things from multiple angles, and to evolve.

Overcoming Doubt Requires Courage & Action

Doubt doesn’t disappear on its own. As Charles Bukowski put it, “Doubt is only removed by action.” 

To transform doubt into strength, we have to meet it head-on, taking small, focused actions, we can’t sit back and hope for confidence to find us.

So, when doubt arises, take a moment to ask yourself: Where is this doubt coming from? What does it reveal about my path forward? 

This honest self-inquiry transforms doubt from a barrier into a motivator. It’s a central idea in the Silencing Your Inner Critic free webinar, where we guide people through the 4Rs Release Model®. 

When doubt is met with courage, it becomes a strength.

Embracing Doubt as Your Greatest Leadership Tool

Doubt is neither negative nor positive—it just is. Sometimes, it’s calling us to let go of what no longer serves us. Other times, it’s asking us to see something from a new perspective.

So, the next time doubt appears, don’t ignore it. Instead, pause, reflect, and let it guide you. Let it lead you back to your values, to your happiness and to what matters most to you. 

Each time you choose courage over hesitation, you’re not just overcoming doubt—you’re stepping into your brilliance. Doubt is a reminder that we are on a constant journey to become who we’re meant to be.

Stay True, Stay You
And Keep Bringing Out Your Brilliance! 

The post Transforming Doubt into Leadership Strength: How To Overcome Doubt For Lasting Success appeared first on Mags Bell.

Values are at the core of every choice we make—they guide our decisions, shape our identity, and define the connections we build. Without a clear understanding of your core values, you’ll drift—unanchored and second-guessing every step.

I had to learn this the hard way, and I’ll never forget the lesson.

Why Every Decision Starts with Your Values

Many moons ago, I was headhunted for a role that seemed perfect. The company’s values, which looked great on its website, didn’t align with what I experienced. 

I had not done my due diligence well enough, and, more importantly, I didn’t fully understand my own values at the time either.

But after accepting the job, I quickly realised something was wrong. I stayed for two years, but it was a struggle for me emotionally even as I was winning awards and successful in everyone else’s eyes. 

Looking back, I learned the importance of knowing my values before making any decision.

The LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership

As I often discuss in the LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership, we can fall into the trap of either ‘bigging it up’—where ego leads us to a false overconfidence—or ‘belittling ourselves’ through self-doubt and blame. 

In this case, my ego was definitely in control. I didn’t have the clarity to see that this wasn’t the right environment for me, all because I didn’t truly know what was driving me. 

And without knowing my values, I couldn’t make the best decisions for myself.

Mahatma Gandhi summed it up perfectly: “Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, and your values become your destiny.” 

In short, your values shape your entire life. If you don’t know what they are, how can you confidently navigate the world and live with purpose?

Building Meaningful Relationships Through Values

Knowing your values also helps you determine the relationships and environments where you thrive.

I’ve often noticed that the strongest connections I’ve made—whether personal or professional—were with people who shared similar values. 

When I look for clients or collaborators, I make sure we share similar values. 

Without that foundation, it’s hard to build a meaningful relationship.

Values help you decide who to keep in your circle and which environments will bring out your best.

Embracing Your Values for Confidence and Clarity

Your values are the foundation of everything you do—from the decisions you make to the relationships you build. 

If you’re feeling lost or unsure of your direction, take a step back and spend some time getting clear on your core values. They are your internal compass, guiding you toward a life of purpose, confidence, and brilliance.

If you want to dive deeper and explore how values, purpose, and vision come together, check out my Decision Making Made Easy online course. It’s designed to help you go from insecurity to influence by embracing your values and leading with confidence.

Stay True, Stay You
And Keep Bringing Out Your Brilliance! 

The post From Insecurity to Influence: Lead with Confidence by Embracing Your Values appeared first on Mags Bell.

Marianne Williamson beautifully said, “Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” 

I absolutely love this, because it gets to the core of why so many of us hold back. We find ourselves asking, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” 

But really, who are you not to be? What if you stopped playing small and dared to embrace your full brilliance?

What’s Stopping You From Shining?

Most of us live with a hidden fear— not always of failure but the potential of how brilliant we could be. 

Think about a diamond formed under immense pressure and heat. We, too, are forged through the challenges life throws at us. 

Just as a diamond becomes more brilliant by cutting and polishing, so too do we when we cut, polish, and reset our inner diamonds.

But What is This Inner Diamond? 

It’s where our brilliance resides. 

For those familiar with my Decision Making Made Easy programme, you know that I talk about the importance of aligning your head (vision), heart (purpose), and gut (values). 

When these three are in harmony, we shine more brightly in everything we do.

We lead with clarity, resilience, and confidence.

Authenticity Comes From Within

True brilliance doesn’t come from faking it—it comes from embracing who you truly are. We often hear “fake it until you make it,” but the truth is, real confidence comes from authenticity. 

It’s not about pretending to be someone else; it’s about aligning your actions with your values, purpose and vision.

When I study something, like learning a new language, I don’t fake it—I believe in my ability to become fluent. The power of belief is transformative, but only when it’s grounded in authenticity. 

The LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership

On the LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership, it’s easy to sway between ‘bigging it up’ (overconfidence) and ‘belittling yourself’ (self-doubt). 

Brilliance comes when you embrace all of who you are. It’s not about showing off or thinking you’re better than others. In fact, focusing only on “bigging yourself up” leads to the opposite, it leads to belittling yourself. 

We live in a world of polarity, and when you tip to one extreme, the other follows. True leadership is found in the middle ground, where we can lead with our authentic selves, grounded in our purpose. 

This balance starts with embracing all parts of ourselves—both the light and the darkness. 

Inspire Others with Your Brilliance

As George R.R. Martin said, “When you accept your flaws, no one can use them against you.”

When you accept both your light and your darkness, you step into your full brilliance—authentic, unshaken, and ready to shine.

Your brilliance is not just for you, it’s for the world. When you lead with compassion, generosity, and authenticity, you create space for others to shine, too. 

Simple acts of appreciation—a kind word, a smile, or recognising someone’s efforts—help others feel seen, valued, and inspired.

So dare to shine. The world needs your brilliance and by stepping into your light, you give others permission to do the same.

Stay True, Stay You
And Keep Bringing Out Your Brilliance! 

The post Dare to Shine: Bringing Out Your Brilliance appeared first on Mags Bell.

After all, if you’re unsure about your purpose, how can you effectively chart a path to where you want to be?

So, What Exactly is ‘Purpose’? 

What does purpose look like, and how do you know if you’ve found it? 

Knowing your purpose is like having a personal GPS, guiding your decisions and actions to align perfectly with your core values and your vision. 

At its simplest, purpose is the passion for doing something you deeply love. It’s the belief that you can make a difference, not necessarily through your job, though it’s ideal if your career aligns with this passion.

Sharing knowledge, experience and tools, that help others find their pathway—that’s what I love. It’s true what they say: find what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life.

Purpose as Your Compass

Purpose isn’t just a nice-to-have—it’s essential. It provides focus and direction. We often find ourselves pursuing goals set by others, but do these align with our own? If not, we’re likely on the wrong path.

Purpose ensures that what’s right for us aligns with what we do, benefiting us and those around us.

This is an ingredient of LeadingME® – leading yourself effectively ensures that others will follow by example. This alignment creates ease in what we do, enhancing both motivation and resilience—qualities often lacking in those without a clear purpose.

The LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership

Imagine leadership as a ladder not just reaching upwards but spanning side to side. On one side, we’re bigging it up; on the other, we’re belittling ourselves. The goal is to balance in the middle, leading from a place of true self.

This middle ground is where mental and emotional health thrive. Here, I am grounded in kindness and love, appreciating life fully. 

Knowing my values, understanding my purpose, and working towards a vision that resonates deeply with who I am—this is where genuine leadership flourishes. Without this understanding, we’re merely contributing to the noise, risking our mental well-being.

Aristotle and Ikigai: A Universal Search for Purpose

The great Greek Philosopher Aristotle once said, “Where your talents and the needs of the world cross, there lies your vocation.” In essence, he’s speaking about purpose. 

Likewise, the Japanese concept of Ikigai offers a similar perspective, suggesting that our true calling lies at the intersection of what we love, what we’re good at, what the world needs, and what we can be paid for. However, this last point needs your limiting beliefs to be put aside.

Finding this intersection isn’t just about answering these questions on the surface—it requires a deep, introspective dive to discover what truly drives us beyond superficial desires or expectations.

Embracing Your Journey

Identifying and embracing your purpose transforms more than just your career—it enriches your entire existence. It influences how you interact with others, the satisfaction you derive from daily activities, and your mental and emotional health.

If you are reading this and need some help, I developed an online course, “Decision Making Made Easy,” which consists of a six-step strategy for easy decision-making, which includes clarifying your values, purpose, and vision.

So, let’s continue to explore, define, and refine our purposes. Our purpose changes over our lifetime, so check in with yours. After all, it’s not just about finding where we fit in the world—it’s about making the place where we stand truly ours.

Stay True, Stay You
And Keep Bringing Out Your Brilliance!  

The post Discovering Your True Purpose appeared first on Mags Bell.

Whatever your connection, I invite you to reflect on what “introvert” means to you.

Today, we’re diving into the world of introverts— not just to understand them but to celebrate their quiet strength. Even though they might not always speak up, their silence can speak volumes. Let’s explore three key areas where introverts stand out.

3 Key Strengths of Introverts

1. Deep Thinking & Problem Solving

Introverted individuals often delve deeply into their thoughts, sometimes leading to friction. However, once you realise that this depth is their superpower and something they truly embrace, it’s incredible.

Connecting the dots comes naturally to introverts. They enjoy seeing how things align and predicting potential outcomes, often thinking several steps ahead. 

I remember countless meetings in which everyone actively discussed and brainstormed while the introverts quietly observed. Then, they would gently pause our discussions to point out potential issues they’d foreseen, saying, “I see where you’re going, but what about this?”

While we were all charging ahead, they had already spotted the roadblocks. When they pointed these out, it would hit us—oh yes, that’s true, we need to rethink this. 

2. Excellent Listening Skills

Introverts are naturally gifted listeners. They tend to analyse and reflect on things deeply, which leads them to observe and listen rather than dominate conversations—a common trait among extroverts. 

This ability to listen attentively is a superpower that allows introverts to build strong, connected relationships. People inherently crave to be listened to, and introverts excel at not just hearing but truly understanding and responding thoughtfully.

As an extrovert, I’ve had to learn to hone my listening skills, something that introverts do effortlessly. This is an amazing power to have, as many of us have to learn to listen, but for introverts, it’s just a natural skill.

3. Attention to Detail

The last trait I want to highlight is the remarkable attention to detail that introverts possess. I deeply appreciate this quality, especially since my own attention to detail isn’t as sharp. I often rely on introverted team members to review work because they effortlessly catch errors and see nuances I might miss. Their ability to spot patterns and understand the minutiae sets them apart. 

This skill makes them invaluable in roles that require precision, such as research, writing, and project management. However, their talents extend beyond analytical tasks; for example, I have an amazing designer on my team whose attention to detail makes her designs stand out spectacularly. 

Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, asserts that there is zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas. This insight challenges the common perception that eloquence is linked to intelligence or creativity.

The LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership

In the LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership concept, we visualise the ego coming from both sides, ‘Bigging’ and ‘Belittling’ to converging in the middle LeadingME®. This middle part is where personal leadership, or ‘LeadingME® ‘balance resides.

Introverts often find themselves on the side of the ladder that leans towards belittling themselves, particularly when they’re reluctant to speak up. 

This self-belittlement aligns with feelings of inadequacy or blaming themselves. It’s crucial for introverts to recognise this tendency and strive to maintain a balance, ensuring they acknowledge and leverage their abilities in their leadership journey.

Michaela Chung, the author of The Irresistible Introvert, emphasises that introverts deeply value the close relationships they work hard to build, often stretching themselves to do so. Unlike extroverts, introverts find it challenging to form these connections.

Chung suggests that extroverts should support their introverted peers by helping them find their voice and leverage their unique strengths.

Living in Two Worlds

Sophie Dembling, author of The Introvert’s Way: A Quiet Life in a Noisy World, describes introverts as living in two worlds. They interact with the world of people but find solace and true belonging in their inner world of solitude.

While extroverts may thrive in social environments, introverts often find them exhausting and require time alone to recharge. When extroverts understand this they can help their introverted colleagues, friends and relatives to have that recharging time.

Celebrating the Quiet Strength of Introverts

To all introverts, I encourage you to take a moment to reflect on the unique insights you possess because of your deep, thoughtful approach. Finding your voice may be a challenge, but it is crucial. We understand it requires effort, but please persist. Your ability to think deeply can also be an issue for you to make a decision. Paralysis by analysis… make sure to stay away from over-analysing. 

Your contributions are invaluable; without them, we all miss out on so much. Your input is often the magic touch we need.

Stay True, Stay You
And Keep Bringing Out Your Brilliance! 

The post Introvert’s Strength Behind Their Quiet Demeanour appeared first on Mags Bell.

Instead of getting wrapped up in the negativity of being wrong, not being perfect, or feeling embarrassed (all belittling on the LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership- see below), we can view mistakes as opportunities for discovery and growth. 

Reflecting on our past mistakes, we often find that what seemed catastrophic at the time led us to where we are today. But what does failing mean, and what can you do to turn mistakes into milestones?

What Does Failing Really Mean?

Failing means different things to different people.

For some, it can be a small setback; for others, it might feel like a huge disaster.

Tony Robbins’s book Unlimited Power helped me understand this deeply. 

I used to have a massive inner critic that constantly told me I wasn’t good enough and that everything had to be perfect.

This drove me to achieve great things, but it also caused immense stress and self-doubt.

So Why Do We Focus on Failure Instead of Results? 

It’s all about conditioning. From a young age, we are conditioned by our parents, teachers, friends, and society to fear failure. We are taught that mistakes are bad and that we should avoid them at all costs. 

Our doubts often arise from the well-intentioned comments and actions of others, who typically mean no harm and act out of a desire to protect us. For instance, when someone tells us, “Don’t do that, it won’t work. I’ll find a better way for you,” they’re trying to shield us from failure. 

However, this mindset is limiting. 

The LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership

When it comes to the LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership, I was actually ‘bigging’ it up because I was constantly pushing myself to perfection. 

When I move to one side of the ladder, I start bigging it up. This is where I try to control situations and people, striving for perfection and often falling into the trap of judgment. 

The law of polarity then pushes me to the other side – ‘belittling.’ Here, I become my own harshest critic, falling into the blame-victim mentality.

In the middle section of this ladder lies the true essence of self-leadership. This middle ground is where confidence reigns – not the false bravado of ‘bigging’ it up, but real, authentic confidence that comes from self-awareness, love, kindness and knowing. 

It’s important to recognise that you must lead yourself before you can effectively lead others. If I am broken, trying to help others will be futile. Hence, this middle ground is where I need to centre myself.

Finding Your Inner Balance

LeadingME® is fundamentally about being self-aware, taking responsibility and being able to respond effectively to people and situations around you. Mastering Your Ego.

When balanced, you’re not caught up in the drama (‘ In the movie’), where reactions are driven by the ego, often manifesting as either excessive self-promotion (‘bigging it up’) or self-diminishment (‘belittling’). 

To return to a balanced state, it’s essential to, first be aware of where you are on the LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership and then actively decide to change. Tools and strategies are available to help shift our perspectives and behaviours. Instead of getting stuck in a cycle of negative thinking or dwelling on mistakes, consider changing thought processes. 

JK Rowling once said, “It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default.” 

This quote encapsulates the idea that playing it safe and avoiding risks is the biggest failure of all. So, while our beliefs are often shaped by conditioning, it’s possible to recondition ourselves.

Galvanising Mistakes into Milestones

Galvanising mistakes starts with changing our thought process and behaviour. Instead of viewing mistakes through a lens of negativity, we can choose to see them as opportunities for growth and learning.

One effective method is the 4Rs Release Model®, which helps us release negative thoughts and emotions associated with mistakes – ‘belittling.’ By reframing our perspective, we can turn what seemed like failures into valuable lessons that guide us toward success.

Tony Robbins’ story about a man who faced numerous failures before becoming the President of the United States illustrates this beautifully. This man failed in business, lost elections, and faced personal tragedies, yet he persevered. His journey teaches us that every setback is an opportunity to learn and grow.

Failing Forward By Embracing Mistakes

Remembering past mistakes, I see how they’ve brought me to better places in life. These weren’t just unwanted results; they were essential for my growth and progress. I often think, “Oh my God, if those things, that I had seen as failures hadn’t happened, then I wouldn’t be where I am today, doing what I love.” 

This realisation is what makes life so thrilling.

Achieving success is not about avoiding mistakes or failures. It’s about embracing them, learning from them, and building on the newfound foundations they provide. It’s about finding your inner LeadingME® balance. This is the essence of failing forward.

Stay True, Stay You
And Keep Bringing Out Your Brilliance! 

The post Failing Forward: Transforming Mistakes Into Milestones appeared first on Mags Bell.

As a leader, you may often think that it is your responsibility to motivate others to do what they need to do. But that’s absolute bollocks. You are not responsible for anyone, but yourself, just as you cannot motivate anyone, but yourself.

So what exactly is it that you can do, after all, you are a leader and you need your team to achieve targets and KPIs. What you can do is to coach and inspire others to motivate themselves. Let’s take a look at this.

What is Motivation?

Before we can go ahead and try to inspire others, we first need to understand what motivation is.

Motivation is your ‘why,’ your ‘purpose’ for doing things and what it is that you desire as a result of your actions.

Most people have a skewed understanding of what their motivation is. Many people I have interviewed… which was in the sales environment… would answer my question on what motivated them by saying “money”. But it’s never really the money that motivates any of us, rather what we can do with the money.

So your motivation is your “why” the reason you do what you do.

Once the definition of motivation is clear, most people will falter as they question what their actual “why” is.

What Can You As A Leader Do To Help Them With Their Motivation?

It’s not as simple as telling your team what to do. Direction and targets are good for helping people to know where they are heading. However, that will not necessarily motivate them.

There is an easy way.

When external forces interrupt motivations, people can end up being driven away from or procrastinating around their tasks and goals. And yes, those external forces include you as their leader.

So what is it exactly that you can do on your end to help others become lean into their own motivations?

Instead of thinking that you can motivate others, you must find out what each individual is motivated by. Everyone is different. How exactly do you do that?

The only way to do this is to get to know your people, what they love doing outside of work and what they love spending their hard-earned money on. You need to place yourself in their mindset. Now you have the information to be able to build that motivational environment for them. You do that by leading by example… LeadingME®, inspiring, coaching, and mentoring, using their motivation to help them push through for great results.

Helping Others Achieve: The BAR Model®

One method I use to help others find and motivate themselves is through the use of the BAR Model®.

The BAR Model® (Behaviour, Awareness, and Responsibility) has LeadingME® as its core. It may seem simple enough, but if you don’t coach around the ‘Acceptance’ part of this model, it could instead cause you and the individual to play at the top of the model. Haven’t we all done that? You point out a behaviour, the person becomes aware, and we think they will now change the behaviour but instead, they do the same unwanted behaviour that we just pointed out!!! Frustrating yes?

The crucial step here is to dig deep by coaching the individual on what they see and understand, as well as what they need to do to make the changes. This is for them to come up with the answers (coaching) not you telling them what they should do as that is only ‘Awareness’ and will not move them to ‘Responsibility.’ That means there will be NO change in their behaviour.

With the BAR Model®, you can help others become aware of their behaviour and inspire them to take responsibility and become motivated to change their behaviour.

Giving Feedback

The first step to initiate is to bring Awareness to the Behaviour which can be done through feedback.

Now, you don’t just give generic feedback. You don’t just say “Don’t do that,” instead, we need to be more specific. We say “When you do …. it causes…. and that results in ……”

The trick to any feedback is to be specific. We also need to be looking for positive behaviours to practice with this model. What I do is try and find positive feedback for people every day. Think of it as a 5:1 ratio or many more positive feedback conversations than negative feedback conversations. Just remember developmental feedback that you give needs to be more specific with the feedback regardless of what type you are giving.

By being specific, you point out the exact action that they need to be aware of.

Accepting and Changing Behaviour

As I’ve mentioned, even after we give developmental feedback, this won’t always change the behaviour. This can just put you both in a cycle of ‘Behaviour and Awareness,’ without the person taking any Responsibility.

So to help others accept this behaviour and eventually lead to them changing, you need to take the following steps:

• Ask Open Questions – What, When, How, Where
• Practice Active Listening – Listening to understand their point of view
• Summarising It Back – Paraphrase what you think you have heard
• “That’s Right” – Until you hear them say these words.

Once they’re in full ‘Awareness’ and you have coached them, using their own words of what their understanding is of that awareness, and the acceptance of that awareness is for them, then you can move on.

Ask Open Questions

Let’s take a look at open questions.

We have five open questions: what, who, why, when, and how. I personally don’t use the word ‘Why’ as it can sound to someone else, accusatory or as if you have an agenda.

Instead, you can focus on the others by asking questions like:

• What made you behave in that way?
• Who do you think benefits from that behaviour?
• How do you think the other person felt When…?

If you ask closed questions like “If”, “Can”, “Would”, or “Could”, you will be stuck with a “yes” or “no” answer, which won’t help you or the other person reach a deeper understanding.

If you have never coached before this may seem daunting, but it doesn’t have to be. Use notes to help you, write questions down using the open questions and listening and then just practise asking these open questions.

Practice Active Listening

Active listening means, not just listening to someone to take a breath or a wee bit of silence so you can jump in with an answer or statement. Rather, you are listening to what they are truly saying, including what is in between the words.

Whenever you listen to someone, don’t just listen to know what to ask or say next because that’s not what active listening is. Use silence to build up that trust. Listen in silence to understand and to get to know them. Look at their body language and how it changes as the conversation goes on. This can help you truly see what their “why” is.

After you’ve listened to them actively, you can then form a summary of how you understood what they said. This is Stephen Covey’s 5th Habit of ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.’ – Seek First To Understand Before You Are Understood.

Summarising It Back

After each question you want to be summarising what you heard them say.

So don’t just dive in after listening to them. Instead, you need to summarise your understanding of what you heard them say. This way, you can clarify your understanding. Start with something like, “So let me check I’ve understood what you’ve just told me…..”

If at this point they say “That’s right” then you’re there. If not you may need to ask them to repeat it for your understanding. Then you summarise again what you’ve heard until they feel heard!

“That’s Right”

Once you’ve reached the “that’s right” stage, then you know you’ve hit the mark.

When you get this response, they know that you’ve really listened and understood them. It helps them realise that you are merely there to help.

Now you can use those last few questions to bring about the ‘Responsibility’ part of the BAR Model®

• How will you change this behaviour?
• How do you think you can change that behaviour next time?
• What will help you change this behaviour?
• How will that benefit YOU and Others?
• How can I help you?

Note: Focusing on the behaviour (being specific) not being general will always give you the results you want for both parties.

They begin to reach their own conclusion and understanding and they are then willing to take ‘Responsibility.’ This responsibility is what leads to ‘Behavioural Change.’

With this approach, you have tapped into their motivation to change. Remember, this isn’t your motivation to make them change, but their own desire and you’ve simply helped them realise and reach it. The change comes from your coaching them to tap into their benefit NOT Yours.

Motivation Within

Remember that the only place motivation can come from is within. No one else can motivate anyone, we can only motivate ourselves. However, that doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do to help others with their own motivation. You can build that environment of motivation by inspiring, mentoring and coaching.

With LeadingME®, you can become an inspiration for others to follow. LeadingME® is about knowing ‘me’ME’ so well that when people follow they are following the example we want to be setting. Saying something and doing another thing is setting the example of the other!

People follow your example if you’re giving developmental feedback mainly in the positive then it becomes easy for people to take good specific feedback that taps into their motivation to change. This then becomes a wonderful motivational environment for everyone including YOU!

Find your/their “desire” and “why” so you/they can move forward and inspire others to do the same, through your/their motivations.

Let me know what you think! If you have any questions please ask, I love helping people step into LeadingME®.

Stay True, Stay You
And Keep Bringing Out Your Brilliance!

The post Motivation Masters: How Effective LeadingME® Leaders Propel Team Performance appeared first on Mags Bell.

Do you hear that little voice in your head when you’re working on something? No, you’re not going insane, that’s your inner critic, whose ultimate goal is to make you doubt yourself. Today, we’re going to confront that little voice in our heads that holds us back from reaching our full potential. Because let’s face it, this critic is stopping us and while we have got used to it, it’s just a matter of finding the right tools to silence it. So, let’s dig deep into understanding, addressing, and conquering these limiting beliefs together.

Understanding the Inner Critic

First things first, what is that voice and why won’t it shut up? It tells you you’re not good enough, that you can’t achieve your goals, or that you’re bound to fail. It’s the voice that undermines your confidence and stifles your ambitions.

But why do we have these doubts, and what purpose do they serve? Well, they stem from past experiences, conditioning, or external influences that have shaped our perceptions of ourselves and our abilities.

The inner critic, or the saboteur, is the voice that tells you, “You’re not good enough,” or “You can’t do that.” It’s like a relentless companion, hindering your progress and preventing you from setting goals and pursuing them.

The Origin and Impact of Limiting Beliefs

As mentioned, these doubts and limiting beliefs often stem from past experiences or influences that have shaped our present reality.

We carry these stories with us, reliving them in the present moment.

But here’s the thing: the present is not the past—it’s now.

We have the power to change our narrative if we choose to. 

Techniques for Overcoming Self-Doubt

So, how do we overcome these? There are various approaches, including meditation and mindfulness practices. By taking a moment to pause, we can distance ourselves from the grip of the past and become fully present. We can cultivate appreciation for the simple things around us, grounding ourselves in the here and now.

Personally, I grappled with my own inner critic a number of years ago. Even at one peak in my career, winning accolades left and right, that voice still haunted me, whispering that I wasn’t worthy. It led me down a path of depression, a dark place I never want to revisit. But through that struggle, I discovered tools and techniques to silence that inner critic and reclaim control over my thoughts and actions. This inner critic represents the ego mastering us, but the goal is to master our ego instead.

Mastering the Ego: The LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership

Now, let’s talk about the LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership and the role of ego in all of this. You see, our ego plays a significant role in how we perceive ourselves and interact with the world. It’s like a ladder on its side— with one side representing control and judgement, and the other side representing belittling and victimhood. When our ego is out of balance, we may find ourselves oscillating between these extremes, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and disempowerment. Mental health issues.

But here’s the good news: by mastering our ego, we can go back to the centre ground of the LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership—the place where we are in control of our thoughts, emotions, and actions. This is where tools like the 4Rs Release Model® come into play, helping us recognise where we are on the ladder and guiding us back to the centre ground.

Practical Strategies: The 4Rs Release Model

The 4Rs Release Model®— is a simple yet powerful method for breaking free from the shackles of self-doubt. It’s about recognising the negative self-talk, rewarding ourselves for challenging it, reframing our thoughts into positive affirmations, and repeating this process until it becomes second nature. But here’s the kicker: it all starts with cultivating a positive feel. Without that foundation, positive thinking alone won’t cut it.

Cultivating A Positive Feeling

Now, you’ve probably heard all about the benefits of maintaining a positive mindset, but here’s the thing:

positive thinking alone isn’t enough.

In order for positive thinking to truly work its magic, we need to cultivate positive feeling first.

That’s right—positive feeling precedes positive thinking.

Without that underlying sense of positivity and optimism, our attempts to think positively will fall flat.

Resources for Self-Mastery and Growth

Now, you might be thinking, “Easier said than done, right?” And you’re absolutely correct. That’s why I offer resources like webinars to dive deeper into these concepts and provide practical strategies for mastering your inner critic. It’s not a quick fix, but with dedication and practice, you can reclaim control over your thoughts and unleash your full potential. Ultimately, it’s about reclaiming control over our thoughts and actions, breaking free from the shackles of self-doubt, and embracing a mindset of possibility and empowerment.

Remember, the inner critic thrives on our fears and doubts. To starve the beast, we must shift from negative thinking and feeling to positive feeling and empower ourselves to lead from within… LeadingME®. So, if you’re ready to break free from the chains of self-doubt and step into your greatness, I invite you to explore the 4R’s Release Model® with me and embark on your journey to self-mastery.See below.

If you want to learn more about overcoming self-doubt and building your confidence, you can click here to join our next masterclass for free.

Stay True, Stay You
And Keep Bringing Out Your Brilliance!

The post From Doubt To Done: Overcoming Beliefs That Block Success appeared first on Mags Bell.

Exploring Angry Attitudes vs. Assertiveness

Now, let’s focus on the difference between an angry/aggressive attitude and an assertive one. Despite common misconceptions, anger and aggression are distinct from assertiveness. I’ve personally grappled with being labelled as having an aggressive attitude, and in some instances, it was warranted. When emotions run high, it’s easy to slip into a pattern of raised voices, dominating conversations, and disregarding others’ perspectives. I joined the bandwagon because that’s how I was treated.

However, being assertive doesn’t mean suppressing emotions or being passive. Instead, it’s about maintaining composure, speaking calmly, and respectfully asserting one’s needs while also listening to others.

The Roots of Angry Attitudes

The root of angry/aggressive attitudes often lies in past experiences, conditioning and the stories we tell ourselves.

Our upbringing, society, and past experiences shape how we see the world. Our egos can hijack our reactions, pushing us towards either ‘bigging’ it up or ‘belittling’ ourselves or others.

But dwelling in these extremes only leads to exhaustion, strained relationships and mental health issues.

The Power of Awareness

Awareness is key.

Being self-aware means understanding our thoughts, feelings, and actions.

When we have aggressive attitudes, it usually means raised voices and trying to control situations or others, which isn’t the best place to be. It leads to conflicts where egos clash or people belittle each other.

The middle ground, where we’re responsible and balanced, is where we should aim to be.

Finding Balance with the LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership

Being self-aware helps us stay in this balanced middle ground. When we’re aggressive, we’re caught up in the drama, reacting to everything like we’re ‘in the movie.’ By recognising where we are on the ‘LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership,’ we can step back and become more aware and we can then choose how to respond calmly. 

I’ve faced situations where others tried to push their unbalanced egos onto me by accusing me of being aggressive, even when I wasn’t. That’s just gaslighting, trying to manipulate the situation. But by staying grounded and calm, I can see through their behaviour and address it calmly. Instead of getting pulled into their drama, I can choose to stay in the middle ground of LeadingME®, where I feel confident and in control of myself.

Tools for Transformation

So, how do we shift our behaviours?

Firstly, we must acknowledge the need for change and ask ourselves if our current attitude serves us well. If not, it’s time to explore tools and techniques to regain balance.

Breathing exercises, meditation, and somatic yoga are just a few practices that can help ground us in the present moment and prevent our egos from dictating our actions. Using your awareness of LeadingME® and its tools can centre you whenever you go astray!

By being aware and building inner strength, we can find peace even when life gets tough.

Rising Stronger with Greater Balance

Everyone experiences moments of anger and aggression, but it’s how we react and respond that matters.

Turning angry attitudes into positive behaviours is a journey we can all take.

By cultivating self-awareness and utilising tools to regain balance, we can transform destructive attitudes into positive behaviours.

Remember, it’s never too late to rewrite our stories and embrace a mindset of assertiveness and growth.

Stay True, Stay You
And Keep Bringing Out Your Brilliance

The post From Anger To Awareness: How to Transform an Angry Attitude into Assertive Behaviour appeared first on Mags Bell.