Have you ever noticed how the word ego makes people uncomfortable? I certainly did during a recent conversation about the LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership. It struck me how often people push the word away, treating ego like the enemy.
But what if we’ve been looking at it all wrong? Let’s dig into this and challenge the stories we’ve told ourselves about ego.
Understanding the LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership
The LeadingME® Ladder of Leadership isn’t a conventional ladder that goes up and down. Instead, it moves from both sides into the centre, which I call “LeadingME®.” This central space represents balance, accountability, emotional responsibility, flow, love and kindness, etc. Sometimes, we operate from this balanced state, but other times, we drift away from it.
When we’re not in this balanced space, we find ourselves in two extremes:
- Bigging It Up – This is when we judge, control, or assert dominance. “I’m right, you’re wrong.”
- Belittling – This is the blame, victim mindset. “You don’t understand what I’ve been through.” “I didn’t do it that was not my responsibility, it was theirs.”
To bring ourselves back to the centre, I use two tools:
- The 4R’s Release Model® (for those stuck in belittling)
- The Three Keys to Eliminate Your Shite (for those caught up in bigging it up)
Why Does the Word ‘Ego’ Trigger Some People?
During the conversation I mentioned earlier, the person I was speaking with became defensive at the word “ego.” This wasn’t the first time, either. Despite previous discussions, they continued to resist the term.
So, why do we react to the word “ego”?
Many people associate it with arrogance or selfishness, giving it a negative reputation.
However, ego itself isn’t bad, we all have one — it’s only problematic when it’s unbalanced.
When we master our ego and operate from the centre, we achieve flow. When it’s unbalanced, it leads to stress, anxiety, and destructive behaviours. It’s where all our mental health issues stem from.
The Movie Analogy: Are You In or Out of the movie?
Think about watching a movie. When you’re fully immersed, you react automatically—laughing, crying, gasping and jumping at scary points. But the moment you hear someone rustling a popcorn bag, you snap out of the movie and become aware of your surroundings. Now, you can see both the film and the bigger picture.
The same concept applies to the ego. If you react strongly to the word “ego,” ask yourself: Am I stuck in the movie? When you’re deeply immersed in your own narrative, you’re either bigging it up or belittling yourself. But when you step back, you gain control over your reactions and can choose how to respond.
Ego: Friend or Foe?
Many people think ego is a bad thing. I hear it all the time: “Leave your ego at the door.” But what does that really mean? That we should suppress ourselves? Shrink to fit in? No! We cannot leave the ego behind it is part of us and we need to accept that.
Ego itself isn’t bad—it’s how we manage it. When we allow ego to control us, it manifests in two extremes:
• Bigging It Up – This is when we judge, control, or assert dominance. “I’m right, you’re wrong.”
• Belittling – This is the blame, victim mindset. “You don’t understand what I’ve been through.” “I didn’t do it that was not my responsibility, it was theirs.”
Both are unbalanced states. But when we master our ego, we sit in the middle ground, where we can make conscious choices and take responsibility for our reactions. That’s where leadership, confidence, and true self-awareness live.
Releasing the Stories That Hold You Back
A huge part of balancing ego is letting go of the stories we’ve carried for years—often since childhood. We all have experiences that shaped our reactions, and sometimes, those experiences left emotional imprints that still play out today.
Trauma isn’t just the big things. It’s anything that affected you deeply. Even siblings growing up in the same household can have completely different experiences of the same event. The key is recognising those emotional imprints and finding ways to release them. There are many ways to do this: breathwork, meditation, inner child work, and tools like my Three Keys to Eliminate Your Shite and 4R’s Release Model®. These methods help clear the emotional blocks that keep us stuck in old patterns.
What’s Your Relationship with Ego?
I encourage you to reflect:
• Do you resist the word “ego”?
• Do you blame others for their ego while ignoring your own? The mirror effect.
• Are you bigging it up or belittling yourself?
• Does your ego influence your daily choices or are you the master of your own ego?
If you find yourself reacting negatively, consider doing some inner work. Join our Dare to Shine Your Brilliance Community, where we explore these topics together and support each other’s growth.
Owning Your Flaws, Finding Your Flow
Trust me, I’ve been relying on my tools a lot lately. The start of this year threw some big challenges my way, and I’m still navigating and processing them. I’m not a perfect being—but I am the perfect me. And as George R.R. Martin (paraphrased) said, when we fully own our flaws, no one can use them against us.
That’s the key—accepting our flows and then working with them, not against them. When you understand that, life flows more easily.
So embrace your ego, but aim for balance. When it feels off, ground yourself.
Step away, take a breath, reset. The more we release, the lighter life becomes.
Stay True, Stay You
And Keep Bringing Out Your Brilliance!
