Purpose Of The Coaching Relationship
“The purpose of the coaching relationship is to quickly get to the cause of your dilema rather than focusing on presentable effects.” – Mags Bell
Coaching Is Transformational
“This is not remedial action. Coaching is transformational work for people who want to create better results in all areas of their life and work” – Mags Bell
Cause vs Effect
“We centre on the client when we coach and quicky get to the cause rather than simply treating the presentable effects.” – Mags Bell
Inspiration
“Inspiration can be given by others but motivation can only come from you.” – Mags Bell
People Buy What They Need
“Try to always ensure that people only buy from you what THEY need”
Time Out
Start the year as you mean to go on. I would ask of you to commit yourself to this one thing this year: more time out just for YOU. The Daily Grind Of Emails, Meetings, Deadlines And Finance Can Unquestionably Drain Your Creativity. One of the brilliant things about the brain – and there are so many brilliant and undiscovered things about the brain – is that your subconscious works for you, looking for the answers to your questions, problems and issues, while you are in a relaxed state. The subconscious does all the cleaning up and problem-solves those things the conscious mind cannot. If You Don’t Allow That Time, Then Frustration Sets In And Creativity Is Stifled. Create a relaxed state by doing what you love –whether it be writing, walking, reading or some other exercise – or spending time in a favourite place or with loved ones. This will help your mind come up with those ideas and solutions. It is at those times – when you are doing an activity that’s so easy that you forget what you’re doing – that you allow your mind to run free. You may already know how you do this or it may take you a few different activities before you find what works best for you. Commit to YOURSELF and build TIME OUT activities into your day, week, month and year. Take that time out for your brain to live, soar, imagine and create – and ultimately live a happier life!
New Year Resolutions – How to Make Them Stick!
At this time of year, we are all looking at how we can better our lives. For many, the biggest commitment we start with is the New Year’s resolution. Have you noticed that sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t? Why is that? Sometimes they don’t work because we didn’t really want to put the effort into the goal in the first place, or because something we consider much more important or enjoyable got in the way. However, it’s not always as easy as that. The biggest reason why we don’t accomplish the goals we set out at the beginning of a year is because they are not aligned with our values, purpose or vision. This may sound like gobbledygook, but just think about your own values for a moment. Even if you have never done a values exercise, there are certain values that you believe and hold. When you set out to achieve something, you unconsciously match it up with your values. When the goal is incongruent with the values then you are already in a battle, that to be honest, you just don’t need. On most occasions when I explore my own lack of achievement regarding my goals or when I’m in discussion with others about their lack of achievement, it always comes down to not being linked to values. You see, we need to be motivated by the goals we set and if they do not fit with our values, how can we possibly be motivated? Take some time to make sure that you align your New Year’s resolutions with your values, purpose and vision for the future because if you don’t, then you will not achieve what you set out to do! Plan how you will achieve these goals. Then commit to reviewing and celebrating your milestone achievements along the way. Happy Resolution and goal setting!
Honesty…is it really that simple?
Now Here’s The Biggie… Honesty, What Do You Believe It To Be For You? Maybe when we first think of the word honesty, we think of staying true, not telling lies, integrity or maybe you have your own take on honesty. You see that is part of the problem… we all have our own interpretations of honesty. Yeah, sure we all understand right and wrong and we all understand honesty and lying on a very simple level. On the purest and simplest level, honesty is not lying, cheating or stealing! The Question Is Do We Really Do Our Best To Live Up To The Simplicity Of Honesty? However let’s look at a specific scenario that complicates the simplistic view of honesty: You are talking to a work colleague and the conversation gets round to one of the other people you work with and how they haven’t been pulling their weight in the work stakes over the past few weeks. Just at that moment the other person walks in and says “are you two talking about me?” What Do You Do? Be truthful and say yes, or lie and make up something on the spot? In this scenario it’s not that simple because we have others peoples’ feelings and emotions to deal with. This is where the simple word honesty, becomes complex. Whatever you answered will be based on your past experiences of honesty. An important aspect about honesty is where is it coming from? Because being honest is a moral dilemma, start with the other person in mind. Make them the centre of your decision making process, not you! Think About The Consequences Of Your Honesty …on others and only then the consequences on you. Normally the consequences on others are greater. When we are honest with ourselves over the real reasons for our actions and behaviours, then we can be completely satisfied that we have made the best decisions for everyone concerned. One of the easiest ways of working out what works best for you is to just stop and think, see or feel, the times that we judge what we deem dishonesty and check that we know all the facts and understand all points of view, checking in on where our own feelings are coming from. At this point we can truly and honestly have our own thoughts and opinions on the situations or behaviours, however others may agree with us or disagree; that will all depend on their own life experiences!
Celebrating Diversity
It’s so appropriate that I’m writing this article for you on a trip to Singapore. It is such a culturally diverse country, with influences from all over Asia – Malaysia, China, India, Singapore itself as well as the UK, Australia and the US as well as all the other people who live and work here from all over the world….and yet it works! You see it’s all about appreciating that we are all different even those of us from the same cultural background. Understanding that no one person has had the same experiences, so how can we possibly know what anyone else sees, hears and feels? This last point was driven home to me ten years ago when my father lay dying and his 3 girls – of which I was one – and his wife sat at his bedside going through our own separate emotions. As he drew his last breath we all reacted differently, which was a shock to me as we shared the same dad, so doesn’t that mean the same emotions? Yes the main big ones of sadness and loss but even these we experience to different degrees due to our very own personal experiences. What I hadn’t appreciated was that we all had very different experiences, even if they had been shared; we are all very different human beings. We can never fully or truly understanding what anyone feels or is going through, as we have not lived their life experiences. We can however empathise with them based on our own experiences, as long as we respectfully accept that we don’t actually know what they see, hear or feel. When we talk about Diversity we usually refer to; variety, mixture, range or assortment. In a people context it’s about differences in; Skin, hair, eye colour Body, faces and limb size Language, cultural and religious varieties Skills, learning and belief mixtures Age, gender and sexual orientation This is not an exhaustive list just a number of things that conjure up in our minds when we think about the word diversity in human terms. Miscommunication has been studied and shown to be the main issue in most workplace and social interactions, which is due to the point made above; where no two individuals ever experience events in exactly the same way. When was the last time someone said to you – or you said to someone else – “I know how you feel, I had that happen to me …….” It should be all about the other person not about us. They usually just want to talk…..let them. Listening is the key to any great communication. With That In Mind: How Do We Then Celebrate Diversity? Celebration is all about being joyous and festive. Diversity is about differences and variety. The answer is very easy – Enjoy and have fun learning about everyone we meet and have interactions with, rather than it being a competition about who knows best or the most. When we listen and learn we are able to empathise much more effectively and others receive great benefit. We in turn receive new perspectives and learning as well as a deep joyous feeling….what more could you ask for? That’s what’s so great about Celebrating Diversity!
How We View The Moment?
I’m sharing another personal moment with you in this second article. Every so often I share an email update with friends and family on how our lives are progressing on our new adopted country. In my latest update – which was a long one as I was covering two months that included the festive season – I talked about events in my usual fun, matter-of-fact style. I had not thought about how I was writing the words or how it would be interpreted as these were people who knew me. It was just what had been happening, that’s was all. A friend replied to me, sharing a fantastic positive experience that she instigated for her company. As a training manager, it had an amazing impact that affected every person involved, and this had been fed back to her by all. She then pointed out something that I had not given a though to in my email. Let me share this with you. “One of our keynote speakers was a psychologist who presented in a very humorous way the hard facts (actual research papers) relating to happiness and positivity. The magic ratio appears to be 5:1. Truly happy people have a ratio of 5 positive thoughts, feelings and stimulus to one negative. Surround yourself with positive like-minded people and bingo it’s contagious. So what’s the point to this experience sharing of mine? In your newsletter you have proved the theory right. So much could have been gloom – cancelled flight, cloudy Christmas, 12-hour drive, no coal to first foot, the list goes on … but each of these you have turned into a positive and got the ratio about right. It’s not so much that bad things don’t happen to you but more the fact that you deal with them in a positive way.” I’m not sharing this to show you how great I am as many people live in the same way I do; just to share that it is the attitude and belief systems that you choose that determine how you shape, enjoy and live your life. Live the best life you can!