To Do Or Not To Do? That Is The Question!
I’d like to share an experience I had recently as an example of what we deal with many, many times in our lives – dilemmas that we create in our own heads through self-talk. Get The Self-Talk Right And It’s Bliss; Get It Wrong And It Can Be Miserable And Even Lead To Divisions. As I mentioned my mum arrived to stay with us for a couple of months. At the same time, as I have just moved to a new country I was trying to get my business up and running here in Oz. I was being invited to meetings and networking gatherings, and various opportunities were presenting themselves to me. At the same time Mum would only be here for a couple of months. Do I spend time with Mum or do I attend networking meetings and get out there meeting people and promoting my business? So Therein Lies The Dilemma! However, it wasn’t as straightforward as that. When faced with difficult situations, just to complicate matters, we then need to deal with the self-talk, which at times creates untruths. The judgmental self was telling me that Mum would be expecting me to spend time with her – she can’t drive, so needed me to take her everywhere and had come all this way not just to sit in a house all the time. Then there was the “I need to get the business up and running as quickly as possible”; my plan was to start promoting the business as soon as I came back from the Sydney ECI Coaching Conference at the end of November. Not only was the judgmental self ruling those thoughts, it also started to build up feelings of resentment, guilt (and I don’t even do guilt), annoyance and frustration. So I Sat Myself Down To Look At The Facts Of The Situation. Of course, there were no facts regarding the thought process concerning my mum, as this was all in my head and nothing had been checked with her. And yes, I had made plans and set goals regarding my business but they are never set in stone and all I needed to do was defer them. After looking at the true situation, I focused on what my real needs and wants were: what was important to me and what would make me and others around me happy? I realised that if I still lived in Scotland, I would never have spent this much time in my mum’s company. Also, I had no idea when an opportunity like this would come my way to find out more about Mum’s life, passions or best memories – all the things we very rarely talk about. Here was a chance to make some fabulous memories of our own and here I was wallowing in self-talk about something I can easily delay for just a couple of months, which is nothing in the bigger scheme of things. My Decision Was Made – enjoy my couple of months with my mum and really start pushing the business in February. Since I made that decision, work has come my way without me doing anything, and Mum and I have made so many great memories that will be treasured for a lifetime. Just Remember – check that your self-talk is built on facts and make sure the decisions you make are for the right reasons and will make you happy!
Changes and Opportunities
I was speaking to a friend the other day and she was asking how I was doing in setting up in business all over again in Australia. I was saying that it is always easier the second time round, however I had a lot of work to do establishing myself in a new country. She then started to talk about the state of the world and how training, marketing and coaching are always the first to be cut from companies’ budgets. She is absolutely right and she didn’t mean any harm by her words, as they were said with concern for me more than anything else. However the conversation got me thinking about how many times we hear negative thoughts, worries and concerns from others that may back up any small negative thoughts we have. These thoughts keep building on a belief system that the changes happening around us are bad for us, our businesses and our people. In actual fact, I am very positive about the future because changes always bring opportunities and as long as we keep looking for the opportunities in our lives and businesses then we will go from strength to strength. I’m not saying that life is a breeze or that we won’t hit very difficult times and allow those negative thoughts to enter in. But it is precisely at these times when we have to dig in more and look for the positive in our own situations. I always remember reading that most businesses go down just as a bigger opportunity was lurking around the corner and every successful businessman/woman says that there was a time when they were just about to give up when the business took off. Tenacity is a must in business, not just in life, along with seeking opportunities through change…that means changing the way you do things too. I have no doubt that I will be challenged in the months and years to come. However if I keep looking for those opportunities that change brings and keep changing as the opportunities arise, I will get my fair share and that is all I’m looking for. No one wants to work with negativity so it is a MUST for me to stay positive for myself and my clients! So think about those people around you who mean you no harm but are negative, and if they are interfering with your beliefs at the moment remove them from your life until you are back in a more positive frame of mind and are able to deal with their comments. Go to it and show your great strengths of positive tenacity leading to achievement and success….remember in Mags’ books Success = Happiness!!!
The Skill of Delegation – Part 2
Who should we delegate to? I’m going to take this in two steps. The first is when you are just beginning to delegate or have never delegated before and the second is the use of delegation for development, when delegation is used widely already in your team. Step one – When someone never or rarely delegates Firstly, as delegation is a new activity for the team, you will need to explain and sell it to them, which will settle those suspicious minds from the start. Be careful not to allocate work to one or two people in the team regardless of how capable they are. They may feel unfairly put upon, or others in the team may become envious. Select the person to fit the task. However do take time to consider the impact on others and any repercussions that may come from your decision and deal with those issues up front. Thinking of what tasks or duties would be valuable for you to delegate to your team member – for both yourself and for them – you then need to choose the best person for the job. The main aim here is to match the task to the person. Catalogue all the team members’ skills and then analyse using the questions below: What are the key strengths and weaknesses of each team member? Who currently has the ability to complete the task or be trained up to do it? What does each person in the team enjoy doing? Who has the motivation and confidence to undertake the task/duty? How will the added responsibility fit in with their current duties? If you don’t seriously consider this then you are dumping on your team. Which tasks/duties make the least contribution to your personal objectives? How many milestones/checkpoints should be used in the task? Remember: The more involved you are the less effectively you are delegating. So don’t have more milestones than are truly needed. Intervene only as a last resort if something goes wrong. It is through mistakes that we learn the most; so make sure your team do not fear failure as this will affect their enthusiasm for future delegated tasks! Don’t forget if something has gone wrong this is your mistake as you chose the task, the person and the milestones. You must acknowledge the person’s achievements through verbal and written praise, with possibly a small gift etc. Also encourage your line managers to get involved with the praise. This builds confidence, loyalty and job satisfaction. Step two – delegate to whole team to enhance development Once you and the team are comfortable with delegation, you can use the above method to start to develop the team into being interdependent, rather than working independently of others. This again needs to be sold to the team as this is working on the interpersonal/behavioural side of the individuals involved as well as the tasks Using the same criteria as above, now add in: What weaknesses of an individual could be strengthened by undertaking certain tasks? What training or coaching would be needed to help the individual? Who could provide the Training or coaching? Who could work in synergy on joint projects where the strengths and weaknesses are combined in learning from each other too? What development plans are in place for each individual and what task/duty or behaviour needs development – how could this addressed? Once you have delegated everything it’s not as easy as sitting back and thinking ‘that’s me finished’. You need to monitor the delegated tasks and continually develop your staff to exercise their authority. However there are certain managerial roles that you should never ever delegate: motivation, praising, performance reviews, promotions, reprimanding or team-building. Pitfalls to Avoid Failing to provide the information, help, support and advice needed. Allowing the person you have delegated to, to dump the task or other parts of their work back on you or others. Tasks should be given to the most effective individual, not the longest serving members of the team. Delegating the work without providing the necessary and complete authority. Interfering, as this shows your lack of confidence in the individual. Neglect the follow-up on milestones. Abdicating overall responsibility – NEVER blame someone else for what is your responsibility. Delegation is just another way of creating opportunity and developing and growing your people. That is your responsibility as a manager!
The Skill of Delegation – Part 1
I was asked to cover this subject by one of our readers and as it is such a big area to discuss I will run it over the next 2 months. Whether you are running your own business or you lead a team, your results come mainly from the activity of others – or they should! However it is not unknown for business owners or team leaders to undertake many tasks that other team members really should be capable of doing. The reason for this is a reluctance to delegate. There Are Several Reasons Or Excuses For Why Leaders Might Fail To Delegate Here are just a few: A lack of experience in their own position or in ever having a team A lack of confidence in their own ability to delegate The need to stay in control Perfectionist tendencies i.e. ‘No-one can do anything as well as I can’ A lack of confidence in the abilities of their team The need to feel important i.e. ‘This whole place would fall apart if it wasn’t for me’ A reluctance to invest the time and effort in learning what it takes to delegate successfully Now, in some of the cases above it is understandable. However leaders who do not delegate, or delegate very little, fail to utilise the full talent pool they have at their disposal, and in turn lose the opportunity to develop others. They also spend time on minor tasks rather than making the most of their own experience, skills and talent. So What Is Effective Delegation? Well, first you need to understand what delegation is really all about. It’s about giving responsibility to others, building their confidence and developing their own skills and abilities. It gives them authority and, more importantly, it gives them accountability. This leads to true empowerment. But remember – the ultimate responsibilities lie with you, the leader. If something is not done, or is not done correctly, you can’t say that you delegated that task so you are not responsible. This is why delegation is a practiced skill!
Taming Those Insecurities
I was out having a meal the other night with a group of people that I had just met. To begin with there were five of us in the Turkish restaurant waiting for one more to turn up. We were all chatting, laughing and asking each other questions to find out more information: our likes and dislikes. The other person was running late so we ordered for all of us. We were all eating the wonderful Turkish starters when the person arrived. She was completely full on, accusing people of arranging to meet at the hotel. When it all came to light it turned out that she had been having major problems with her mobile phone and only received the message that had been left for her when she sat down at the table. The whole event reminded me of times when I have rushed in accusing someone of something that they are either not responsible for or, as in this case, turned out to be a misunderstanding. Our own insecurities show up dreadfully in these situations, due to our head imagining so many different reasons for the problems or issues we think we have. In the majority of cases it is a simple misunderstanding. When we do come in with all guns blazing, we usually end up with egg on our face: feeling embarrassed, stupid, silly, flustered, self-conscious and many other feelings too. How Can We Avoid These Embarrassing Mistakes? Firstly, stop allowing our imaginations to run riot Don’t allow anger, fear or paranoia to build until we have the facts Find out the real situation from the other person’s point of view before blabbing out our own opinions Discuss it in a calm and non-judgemental fashion And don’t forget to laugh about it! It is just not worth the grief we cause ourselves and it is all our own doing!
Assertive Behaviour
Acquiring assertive behavioural traits is one of the most effective characteristics that you can ever have in your life. Being assertive you are much more likely to get what you want when you want it and in half the time it would normally take. And the best part of all without treading on peoples toes! The Benefits Of Behaving In An Assertive Manor Are You take control of your life and surroundings. You allow others to take control of their own lives and give them room to move in awkward situations. Others respect you and you develop I high level of self respect too. There is less likelihood of conflict, anger or aggression being part of your life. It really encourages others to respond to you assertively. And most importantly you develop a very high level of self esteem as the aim is to live up to your own standards that YOU set yourself, rather than trying to guess or work to other peoples expectations. There is an enormous difference between aggressive behaviour and assertive behaviour. Assertive behaviour has everyone involved feeling good and positive about dealing with problems and enjoying the encouraging environment whereas aggressive behaviour gives off negative vibes and uncooperative environments. Developing Assertive Behavioural Style Always take both the credit and blame for your own behaviour and actions. Verbal statements should be practiced to give you confidence e.g. ‘the great thing about working with you is that you always listen…’, ‘I need your help with something that is troubling me…’ and ‘This isn’t easy to say…’ These phrases should feel easy to say in and said they way you would say them. Non verbal behaviour is just as important; Eye Contact – look directly into the eyes of the person you are speaking to Voice Tone – Slightly lower the pitch at the end of a sentence as this makes it sound like a statement as this strengthens your message Personal Appearance – Dress appropriately for the situation, ask if you don’t know or are unsure. Posture – Erect and relaxed, allows others to take you seriously. Gestures – should be relaxed moderate in size and fluid. Facial Expressions – keep them as neutral as possible as this allows your communication to be understood without distortion or misinterpretation. Always prepare and rehearse when changing behaviours and make sure you make the changes a step at a time rather than trying to change it all at the one go.
A World In Crisis
I read an article the other day in the business section of a newspaper and the journalist was discussing the bad management of banks and financial houses that are affecting the economies all over the world. One aspect that sticks out for me is the lack of accountability these men/women in the top jobs accept. A large proportion of them are leaving with very large settlements, blaming other factors that were unseen and yet if you or I had gone into our managers and proposed doing business with extremely back debtors we would be kicked out of the office or worse, company! Greed And A Fast Buck Is A Big Driver To Extremely Large Risk Taking. Unfortunately I keep seeing children being brought up the same way; Money is easy to get a hold of, mum and/or dad provide it or worse they take it from others. If things don’t go their own way, mum and/or dad step in to fight their cause; And if something goes wrong there is always someone else to blame. So risk and especially high risk is the easy path and pays off well at times too. Kids nowadays have things a lot easier and so they should do, however they are also lacking in morals and values e.g. accountability, trustworthiness, honesty, challenge. Parents are the ones who need to help children form good values and morals to live by. Kids are also more insecure and lacking in confidence – if someone was doing all the difficult things for you and you learn nothing from mistakes because YOU DON’T make them, then you would also be lacking in confidence and insecure. Who is really at the heart of the world crisis? So are we helping our children or hindering them? That is the big question!
Burnout Through Stress
Stress is the mental and physical condition that results from strains that exceed our capabilities at the time. However excessive stress, which remains over a consistent period of time, can produce mental and physical disorders. Burnout Occurs When We Lose Motivation …because work/activity ceases to be meaningful. This leads to frustration, fatigue and a lack of desire, as well as guilt. The cost of burnout and stress to employers and employees alike is enormous. Think loss of earnings, low work output and medical expenses…and that’s just for starters. There are many factors that may cause burnout, but they fall into four main categories: Work Family Personal Social These will be common to most of us, and potentially, we could all be susceptible to their pressures. So How Do You Overcome These Stresses? Well, the most important thing is to be self-aware. Tune into your mind and body and notice if they’re telling you you’re tired, angry or anxious. Realising these things can be half the battle. If you notice that you’ve suddenly turned into an insomniac, your appetite has gone or you’re skin looks awful, the chances are your mind or body is telling you to slow down. To help prevent burnout and stress re-structure your job/life to make it less stressful: Look at what you really want from the particular area of your life that is causing you stress; Re-assess your alternatives so that you get what you really want; Look after yourself physically as well as mentally (construct a wellness programme for yourself); Contact a counsellor/coach (use a stress specialist) to help you achieve your new goal of contentment and peace with yourself; Devise and use your own counselling techniques to help yourself whenever you need to. Whatever you choose to do about stress, just make sure that you do something. And do it now! Don’t ignore it until burnout takes place. Trust me, that’s a much harder place to come back from.
Cut Out The Jargon
Have you ever stood in company, sat in a meeting, or listened to someone presenting and become frustrated with the jargon that they are using? Have you noticed how we switch off and begin to drift, or get more and more annoyed with the person speaking, to the point that we don’t even hear what they are saying anymore? So why, when we get the opportunity and feel vulnerable or lacking in confidence, do we then start to use jargon or buzzwords or technical phrases ourselves? If we remember that on hearing these things ourselves we usually think less of the person, then we will stay on the right track. Keep Things Simple Always think of your audience, regardless of whether it is made up of 1 or 100 people. The more plain and clear your words, the more interest and understanding comes to those who are listening. So next time you are feeling exposed or insecure remember to stay focused on simple, direct, clear and plain speaking. You’ll make things more interesting, as plain, honest speaking is what you want to be remembered for, not for being a jerk, or worse!
That Winning Feeling
Did you notice that when the Olympics were on, the media was leading with positive stories? So what has made the big difference? The reason is investment, pure and simple. I’m not just talking about investment in the athletes themselves, but also in the best trainers, coaches, nutritionists, physiotherapists etc. to support them. You see, if we don’t invest in our people we will not get the best that we or they can give. And that means investing time as well as finance! We always make excuses for spending time and money on other activities that will never pay off for us in performance, and in turn financially, rather than spending time and money on the development and growth of our people. You can see, over the years we have been watching the Olympics, that we had become hopeful but not expecting of our athletes. They had very few inspiring athletes before them. However, the GOLD medals will have many effects on: the athletes who are part of the team – hence we are seeing some very unexpected results too; the nation as a whole, who start to feel pride; and on the youngsters who now have even more inspirations to be guided by – our future Olympic champions. Without hope, inspiration, or expectation …it is impossible to achieve. These athletes don’t always win, but they know how it feels to win and they know how to learn from not winning but improving on their last results. If you see everything as a result – some results which we wanted and expected, others which we didn’t want and didn’t expect – then we learn from all our results, especially the ones we didn’t want. It is in allowing mistakes (which is happening less and less these days) that we learn the most and can then go on to achieve great things! The team aspect is mega-important here too. When you have a group of individuals, some of whom may even be the only athlete competing in a certain discipline, but they feel part of a bigger movement all working towards the same common goal (winning more Gold Medals in this case), then the individuals work harder to achieve for others than they would just for themselves. How many times have you heard a winner say, “this is for my…mum and dad, my coach, the team….”? Lewis Hamilton, the young Formula 1 driver, says thanks to his team every time he wins. You see it always takes a team of people to win; and this is true even if you are an individual running a company, because you need other people to give you business, you need others to supply you. Never under-estimate the power of that team spirit for giving momentum to that winning feeling, as has been shown in Beijing!