Cause vs Effect
“We centre on the client when we coach and quicky get to the cause rather than simply treating the presentable effects.” – Mags Bell
Inspiration
“Inspiration can be given by others but motivation can only come from you.” – Mags Bell
People Buy What They Need
“Try to always ensure that people only buy from you what THEY need”
Time Out
Start the year as you mean to go on. I would ask of you to commit yourself to this one thing this year: more time out just for YOU. The Daily Grind Of Emails, Meetings, Deadlines And Finance Can Unquestionably Drain Your Creativity. One of the brilliant things about the brain – and there are so many brilliant and undiscovered things about the brain – is that your subconscious works for you, looking for the answers to your questions, problems and issues, while you are in a relaxed state. The subconscious does all the cleaning up and problem-solves those things the conscious mind cannot. If You Don’t Allow That Time, Then Frustration Sets In And Creativity Is Stifled. Create a relaxed state by doing what you love –whether it be writing, walking, reading or some other exercise – or spending time in a favourite place or with loved ones. This will help your mind come up with those ideas and solutions. It is at those times – when you are doing an activity that’s so easy that you forget what you’re doing – that you allow your mind to run free. You may already know how you do this or it may take you a few different activities before you find what works best for you. Commit to YOURSELF and build TIME OUT activities into your day, week, month and year. Take that time out for your brain to live, soar, imagine and create – and ultimately live a happier life!
New Year Resolutions – How to Make Them Stick!
At this time of year, we are all looking at how we can better our lives. For many, the biggest commitment we start with is the New Year’s resolution. Have you noticed that sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t? Why is that? Sometimes they don’t work because we didn’t really want to put the effort into the goal in the first place, or because something we consider much more important or enjoyable got in the way. However, it’s not always as easy as that. The biggest reason why we don’t accomplish the goals we set out at the beginning of a year is because they are not aligned with our values, purpose or vision. This may sound like gobbledygook, but just think about your own values for a moment. Even if you have never done a values exercise, there are certain values that you believe and hold. When you set out to achieve something, you unconsciously match it up with your values. When the goal is incongruent with the values then you are already in a battle, that to be honest, you just don’t need. On most occasions when I explore my own lack of achievement regarding my goals or when I’m in discussion with others about their lack of achievement, it always comes down to not being linked to values. You see, we need to be motivated by the goals we set and if they do not fit with our values, how can we possibly be motivated? Take some time to make sure that you align your New Year’s resolutions with your values, purpose and vision for the future because if you don’t, then you will not achieve what you set out to do! Plan how you will achieve these goals. Then commit to reviewing and celebrating your milestone achievements along the way. Happy Resolution and goal setting!
Honesty…is it really that simple?
Now Here’s The Biggie… Honesty, What Do You Believe It To Be For You? Maybe when we first think of the word honesty, we think of staying true, not telling lies, integrity or maybe you have your own take on honesty. You see that is part of the problem… we all have our own interpretations of honesty. Yeah, sure we all understand right and wrong and we all understand honesty and lying on a very simple level. On the purest and simplest level, honesty is not lying, cheating or stealing! The Question Is Do We Really Do Our Best To Live Up To The Simplicity Of Honesty? However let’s look at a specific scenario that complicates the simplistic view of honesty: You are talking to a work colleague and the conversation gets round to one of the other people you work with and how they haven’t been pulling their weight in the work stakes over the past few weeks. Just at that moment the other person walks in and says “are you two talking about me?” What Do You Do? Be truthful and say yes, or lie and make up something on the spot? In this scenario it’s not that simple because we have others peoples’ feelings and emotions to deal with. This is where the simple word honesty, becomes complex. Whatever you answered will be based on your past experiences of honesty. An important aspect about honesty is where is it coming from? Because being honest is a moral dilemma, start with the other person in mind. Make them the centre of your decision making process, not you! Think About The Consequences Of Your Honesty …on others and only then the consequences on you. Normally the consequences on others are greater. When we are honest with ourselves over the real reasons for our actions and behaviours, then we can be completely satisfied that we have made the best decisions for everyone concerned. One of the easiest ways of working out what works best for you is to just stop and think, see or feel, the times that we judge what we deem dishonesty and check that we know all the facts and understand all points of view, checking in on where our own feelings are coming from. At this point we can truly and honestly have our own thoughts and opinions on the situations or behaviours, however others may agree with us or disagree; that will all depend on their own life experiences!
Celebrating Diversity
It’s so appropriate that I’m writing this article for you on a trip to Singapore. It is such a culturally diverse country, with influences from all over Asia – Malaysia, China, India, Singapore itself as well as the UK, Australia and the US as well as all the other people who live and work here from all over the world….and yet it works! You see it’s all about appreciating that we are all different even those of us from the same cultural background. Understanding that no one person has had the same experiences, so how can we possibly know what anyone else sees, hears and feels? This last point was driven home to me ten years ago when my father lay dying and his 3 girls – of which I was one – and his wife sat at his bedside going through our own separate emotions. As he drew his last breath we all reacted differently, which was a shock to me as we shared the same dad, so doesn’t that mean the same emotions? Yes the main big ones of sadness and loss but even these we experience to different degrees due to our very own personal experiences. What I hadn’t appreciated was that we all had very different experiences, even if they had been shared; we are all very different human beings. We can never fully or truly understanding what anyone feels or is going through, as we have not lived their life experiences. We can however empathise with them based on our own experiences, as long as we respectfully accept that we don’t actually know what they see, hear or feel. When we talk about Diversity we usually refer to; variety, mixture, range or assortment. In a people context it’s about differences in; Skin, hair, eye colour Body, faces and limb size Language, cultural and religious varieties Skills, learning and belief mixtures Age, gender and sexual orientation This is not an exhaustive list just a number of things that conjure up in our minds when we think about the word diversity in human terms. Miscommunication has been studied and shown to be the main issue in most workplace and social interactions, which is due to the point made above; where no two individuals ever experience events in exactly the same way. When was the last time someone said to you – or you said to someone else – “I know how you feel, I had that happen to me …….” It should be all about the other person not about us. They usually just want to talk…..let them. Listening is the key to any great communication. With That In Mind: How Do We Then Celebrate Diversity? Celebration is all about being joyous and festive. Diversity is about differences and variety. The answer is very easy – Enjoy and have fun learning about everyone we meet and have interactions with, rather than it being a competition about who knows best or the most. When we listen and learn we are able to empathise much more effectively and others receive great benefit. We in turn receive new perspectives and learning as well as a deep joyous feeling….what more could you ask for? That’s what’s so great about Celebrating Diversity!
How We View The Moment?
I’m sharing another personal moment with you in this second article. Every so often I share an email update with friends and family on how our lives are progressing on our new adopted country. In my latest update – which was a long one as I was covering two months that included the festive season – I talked about events in my usual fun, matter-of-fact style. I had not thought about how I was writing the words or how it would be interpreted as these were people who knew me. It was just what had been happening, that’s was all. A friend replied to me, sharing a fantastic positive experience that she instigated for her company. As a training manager, it had an amazing impact that affected every person involved, and this had been fed back to her by all. She then pointed out something that I had not given a though to in my email. Let me share this with you. “One of our keynote speakers was a psychologist who presented in a very humorous way the hard facts (actual research papers) relating to happiness and positivity. The magic ratio appears to be 5:1. Truly happy people have a ratio of 5 positive thoughts, feelings and stimulus to one negative. Surround yourself with positive like-minded people and bingo it’s contagious. So what’s the point to this experience sharing of mine? In your newsletter you have proved the theory right. So much could have been gloom – cancelled flight, cloudy Christmas, 12-hour drive, no coal to first foot, the list goes on … but each of these you have turned into a positive and got the ratio about right. It’s not so much that bad things don’t happen to you but more the fact that you deal with them in a positive way.” I’m not sharing this to show you how great I am as many people live in the same way I do; just to share that it is the attitude and belief systems that you choose that determine how you shape, enjoy and live your life. Live the best life you can!
To Do Or Not To Do? That Is The Question!
I’d like to share an experience I had recently as an example of what we deal with many, many times in our lives – dilemmas that we create in our own heads through self-talk. Get The Self-Talk Right And It’s Bliss; Get It Wrong And It Can Be Miserable And Even Lead To Divisions. As I mentioned my mum arrived to stay with us for a couple of months. At the same time, as I have just moved to a new country I was trying to get my business up and running here in Oz. I was being invited to meetings and networking gatherings, and various opportunities were presenting themselves to me. At the same time Mum would only be here for a couple of months. Do I spend time with Mum or do I attend networking meetings and get out there meeting people and promoting my business? So Therein Lies The Dilemma! However, it wasn’t as straightforward as that. When faced with difficult situations, just to complicate matters, we then need to deal with the self-talk, which at times creates untruths. The judgmental self was telling me that Mum would be expecting me to spend time with her – she can’t drive, so needed me to take her everywhere and had come all this way not just to sit in a house all the time. Then there was the “I need to get the business up and running as quickly as possible”; my plan was to start promoting the business as soon as I came back from the Sydney ECI Coaching Conference at the end of November. Not only was the judgmental self ruling those thoughts, it also started to build up feelings of resentment, guilt (and I don’t even do guilt), annoyance and frustration. So I Sat Myself Down To Look At The Facts Of The Situation. Of course, there were no facts regarding the thought process concerning my mum, as this was all in my head and nothing had been checked with her. And yes, I had made plans and set goals regarding my business but they are never set in stone and all I needed to do was defer them. After looking at the true situation, I focused on what my real needs and wants were: what was important to me and what would make me and others around me happy? I realised that if I still lived in Scotland, I would never have spent this much time in my mum’s company. Also, I had no idea when an opportunity like this would come my way to find out more about Mum’s life, passions or best memories – all the things we very rarely talk about. Here was a chance to make some fabulous memories of our own and here I was wallowing in self-talk about something I can easily delay for just a couple of months, which is nothing in the bigger scheme of things. My Decision Was Made – enjoy my couple of months with my mum and really start pushing the business in February. Since I made that decision, work has come my way without me doing anything, and Mum and I have made so many great memories that will be treasured for a lifetime. Just Remember – check that your self-talk is built on facts and make sure the decisions you make are for the right reasons and will make you happy!
Changes and Opportunities
I was speaking to a friend the other day and she was asking how I was doing in setting up in business all over again in Australia. I was saying that it is always easier the second time round, however I had a lot of work to do establishing myself in a new country. She then started to talk about the state of the world and how training, marketing and coaching are always the first to be cut from companies’ budgets. She is absolutely right and she didn’t mean any harm by her words, as they were said with concern for me more than anything else. However the conversation got me thinking about how many times we hear negative thoughts, worries and concerns from others that may back up any small negative thoughts we have. These thoughts keep building on a belief system that the changes happening around us are bad for us, our businesses and our people. In actual fact, I am very positive about the future because changes always bring opportunities and as long as we keep looking for the opportunities in our lives and businesses then we will go from strength to strength. I’m not saying that life is a breeze or that we won’t hit very difficult times and allow those negative thoughts to enter in. But it is precisely at these times when we have to dig in more and look for the positive in our own situations. I always remember reading that most businesses go down just as a bigger opportunity was lurking around the corner and every successful businessman/woman says that there was a time when they were just about to give up when the business took off. Tenacity is a must in business, not just in life, along with seeking opportunities through change…that means changing the way you do things too. I have no doubt that I will be challenged in the months and years to come. However if I keep looking for those opportunities that change brings and keep changing as the opportunities arise, I will get my fair share and that is all I’m looking for. No one wants to work with negativity so it is a MUST for me to stay positive for myself and my clients! So think about those people around you who mean you no harm but are negative, and if they are interfering with your beliefs at the moment remove them from your life until you are back in a more positive frame of mind and are able to deal with their comments. Go to it and show your great strengths of positive tenacity leading to achievement and success….remember in Mags’ books Success = Happiness!!!